November 1999

11/1999

My husband and I have four adopted children, ages 12 to 5 years old. The youngest three have the same birthmom but different birthdads. These three are all ADHD. We had no idea about the two boys when they came home to us five years ago at ages 3 and 6. Adoptions told us they were the most normal, undamaged children they had ever seen. The younger boy has serious difficulties and it has been a rollercoaster trying to get help. We recently had a "full psycholigical evaluation" through the group we were sent to by the school district. The psych said Todd is only ADHD and it was all me trying to "find a liver when I don't need a liver transplant". He said RAD is a fad and a waste of time as are CAT scans and the like. Well, this only ADHD child caused me to be called from work 3 times last two weeks because of
serious bus problems. I have had to leave seven times since September. I am a
teacher and it is not easy to just leave work. We have to watch him
constantly because of his rudeness, tantruming, and manipulation. I followed
good advice given here by my support group to have an advocate with me to go to this psych for our son. They will not let anyone go in with us and also refuse to see
Todd unless they can see him alone. We do not feel comfortable with these
people so I am cancelling tomorrow's appointment. We have found a specialist
eighty miles away that we will see Dec. 20. We will have to pay 200.00 for
the visit. Up till now the school district has paid but they don't seem to
know what they are doing. We found a local support group. They are telling us
to get an out of home placement. We are trying to get respite. So far the
nearest is over 100 miles away. We cannot do that. I am not ready for my son
to be gone. I feel like there is more I can do. I don't want to hear get rid
of him but find ways to help him and the family. Am I being unrealistic? I
did not adopt my children to give them away. We prayed for these children.
Why would God give them to me to have me lose any of them? It is so hard.
What am I doing wrong? I read posts from my support group. I see articles written in
newspapers - they are so wonderful. What am I doing wrong that I can't help
my son?


Tue Nov 30, 1999 8:41 pm
We had a hard morning again. Yet Todd apologized on his own as he was
going to bed tonight. I am committed to my children. I have to find a way to help them grow up to be happy and good citizens.

Sun Dec 5, 1999 10:31

Todd, our 8 year old son, has to earn everything. it seems to be the only behavior
control we have for him. We had 3 perfect weeks while he earned halloween.
now he is earning his birthday party. That is iffey so far. At first we felt
really mean doing this, but it has cut down on the aggression and rudeness for
the rest of the family so it is worth it.


Clonidine...liquid vs. solid Dec. 7, 1999 9:55 pm
Our son was on Clonidine for about a year. We ended up, after failing with the pills and liquid, using Clonidine patches. They worked well. We put them on his back in areas where he could not reach them to pull them off.



12/18/99 : 9:49 p.m.

I'm interested in finding a way to work at home. (I need to net about $2,000 a month)I have 4 children, including one who desperetly needs me at home full-time. Todd is just finishing up a 5 day suspension from school and school bus.



9/20/00 9:39:21

When we adopted our boys, I was a special ed teacher of emotionally disturbed
children. Parents thanked me for the differences I made in their and their
children's lives. I had a DEGREE (I'd smugly say). Then my Todd came to me. I
felt (feel) like a failure that I could not make that difference with him.
Knowing/having experience made no difference. You just live it.It is a time of agony and hard decisions.