These are my muskateers; my best friends I've shared the heartaches and joys of motherhood with for the last 15 years. We have few secrets. Our hearts are open. I love these ladies like sisters. When I am with them, I feel complete.

children

They love me. It is surprising, but they do. One in Sacramento, one in Stockton, one in Holland, and one at home. I miss the younger them, but am enjoying the adults they have become.

Angel Children

I let my 5 oldest children go quietly today. Melissa, David, Marie, Keith, and little Craig. It was time to let them spread their wings and fly. To do the things I raised them to do. They watched over me for over 25, maybe 30 years. Now I let my angel children go.

Café au lait skin Dark curly hair Sweet smiles Gentle hands

Giggling laughter Late night talking Loving expressions

“When can we go?”

Why couldn’t they stay? Will they miss me? What went wrong? Why couldn’t I hold them?

Sorrow Joy Love Release

Angel Babies Angel Babies Angel Babies Angel Babies

My son, now 20, disowned me yesterday because I refuse to call him a woman. He is a transvestite who feels he is a woman in every way. He says I make him feel like he is doing something wrong when I call him by his male name. I told him I could accept him being gay but I would not accept his belief he was a woman. He periodically tells us he is pregnate. I am sorry he feels he has to disown us. I told him that, when one chooses a lifestyle contrary to society, that one has to accept some people won't accept it. He can't force me to say he is a girl. I can't force him to be a man. I thought we were doing fine, that we understood each other. I understand it hurts him too much. I went through that when I was married to my first husband who was African American. My father threatened to kill me and my husband. I lived a double life. It almost killed me. I hurt that my son feels that. I always looked forward to him turning 18 - I thought all the troubles and pain would stop then. It's almost worse than when he was growing up. To make matters worse (from my viewpoint) his birthmother accepts him as a woman. Well, she didn't raise him - he was taken from her at age 3 for abuse and neglect. She didn't go through all the hell, but she gets the benefits of him now. He told me she was his real mom because she accepts him as he is. I am tired of him playing me against her. A real mom is the one who loves you and takes care of you and is there for you. A birthmom gives you life. Both are crucial. I am babbling now so I will stop.